Mommy Going Potty....

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin

My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked.

There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco. Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:

"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on DA toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"

At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!"

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy We' ll both have some!" "No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at this point. "Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!" As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.

I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone. "Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off.

Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. "Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under DA door? What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?" More laughter.

I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation. "Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy." He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!" I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling.

I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, "Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy?" But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids , Michigan , where she no longer uses public restrooms)

It's Dark Outside...What does it mean?

This weekend has been a blurrr. One ugly vomit induced blur.

It just wouldn't be fair if my son didn't get sick too...right? Just when I thought the worst was over with Butter Bean my little dude gets sick. Like typical kids they hate to feel like they are missing out on things. I'm trying to be funny and to laugh at the situation, but seriously I can feel the tears coming.

It's just the flu, Hopefully the 48 hour kind. It isn't the end of the world.

Yet, after being thrown up on for 2 days straight and living on zero sleep I kind of feel like it is. It is dark outside and I swear if I didn't have the TV on right now (Extreme Make Over - Home Addition) you could of easily convinced me it was morning and the sun is rising...

Okay...why am I updating my blog when I could be sleeping?

Well...the house is quiet...both kids are a sleep (and will hopefully stay that way). I just want to escape for a few minutes. Or maybe I'm throwing a pity party and I'm looking for guests. LOL. Hell, it is probably a bit of both!

I’m Posting it. Are you?

Attention Children:
The Bathroom Door is Closed!

Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions.

Wait until I get out.
Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken. I am not trapped.

I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in there, but it's been 10 years and

I want some PRIVACY.

Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done.
Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.
Do not go running back to the phone yelling: "She's in the BATHROOM!"

Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.
Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them.

This was only funny when you were two.

Do not slide pennies, Legos, or notes under the door.

Even when you were
two, this got a little tiresome.

If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away and wait for me in another room.

I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.

Oh ... And yes, I still love you.

Mom
(Author Unknown)

I Love This Quote!

Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life. – Author Unknown

Quote on Motherhood

Aristotle: Famous Quote on Mothers

"Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own".

Ouch!

When I came across this quote I was immediately annoyed and insulted!

Then I re-read it and found a little humor in it. It is all in the way you read the quote.

Either Aristotle was saying women are not faithful…or he was saying men are insecure.

I’ll go with the latter - LOL

Parenting 101

So the other day the kids and I enjoyed a little play date with friends. Half way through the afternoon Little Dude decided to show some unsavory behavior. Simply put he was showing some major attitude and when I tried to correct it he got a little mouthy with me.

I had no patience and with an audience I will admit I felt more flustered. Little Dude on the other hand seemed to gain confidence and appeared to consider our watchers his fan club. So I knew I had to remove him from the limelight. This unfortunately meant picking him up and carrying him kicking and screaming to a private area. He put on quite the show.

However once I removed him from the situation and he calmed down we were able to return to our friends and enjoy the rest of the afternoon without any further incident.

However…shortly after returning to the play date one mother came up to me and asked if I’ve read a specific parenting book. I hadn’t. She told me she would bring it to me next time we got together. She mentioned she found it very useful in being able to correct poor behavior without being aggressive.

Hummmm…Does she think I’m a bad parent? Was removing my son from the situation aggressive? I didn't think so at the time, but now I'm feeling self-conscious.